hmm

i just want to be excited again,
i want to feel alive.
i want to move and kick and fight and scream.
i want to be excited for something again,
i want to be alive.

technically i spent no money

playing it cool
unlike high school
how many syllables in a haiku?
i dunno what to do
this is a poem
i find grenades and throw them (sorry needed a rhyme)
im gonna learn polish

Girls like that dont kiss boys like you.

not more than once anyway,cmon everyone makes mistakes.

boys like me.

i deserve everything i get.

xo

nothing gold can stay

i just made a copy of the new bouncing souls for greg

fuck i love that kid.

fucked up big time today.

im gonna go get a bouncing souls tattoo next week.

i wrote some lyrics yesterday.

"I cower here prisoner
At the shore to the blackest sea
I ask not why the tide crawls
I know it crawls for me.
And I hear the wolves howl
In time with iron bells
Call me back to the father
In the pits of the seven hells."

i think im gonna make banner hats like suicidal tendencies did.

I love The Banner

i love it

i love Insane Garrett

I Love justin

i love vans and rattlesnakes and ugly black tshirts and ugly white lies and ugly hardcore songs.

i love beer in bars in far away places,i love mosh by retards to songs they love,yet dont even know.

fuck.

<3

Youre the only good thing ive done baby.

Fucking Jerk ass brain.

youre perfect and small and horrifying.

its always been you,or youve always been there where it's supposed to fit.

but first it was him and i hated him

but then him and i didnt hate him

then her...and god knows i hated her.

and now this,its all my own fault.

not that me saying anything would've changed anything,it rarely does.

you polarize everything,i think of what i would do.

and it makes me think that all the stuff i think is important and most important

really isnt?

cause i'd ditch it,if you asked.

you polarize things in my head,you make things so fucking easy and clear..hypothetically of course.

its just like "Oh yeah,id blam and blam and blam..and then it would be us,and that would be great."

youre fucking great.

youre killing me here.

i love it.

but then it goes on.

what if you did?what if one day you just were there,smiling saying. "Yeah,its you."

then what? could i do that?

of course i could,but could i do it right? could i be enough?at least in my head could i provide what i know you deserve?

well no,probably not ever since i dont think its possible for anyone to give you what youre worth.

but could i even try? could i compete?

can i trust my feelings this time? its been years,but its been years without.

is it just the pool behind the fence?

i wrote another song about you/this today.

it doesnt even make sense.

blah.

youre perfect.

in everyway

im just hopeless.

whatever you want,just fucking smile,it keeps me breathing.

So this now.

me and justin officially "finished" the first new banner/wolvez song.

i cut loose the extra baggage but no such luck,she texted me with "Hiii" last night..WHY!?

that whole red situation isnt getting any better.

i love bloomfield but i really have no freinds here,during the week it gets lonely as shit.

the shows are coming up,im excited.i dont know what were gonna do with monkey brain.